Ah Phooey is not the name of a Chinese relative of mine.J
No, it?s an expression of the frustration I?m having trying to be a
properly toasted Toastmaster, one that is not overly burnt. It?s also a
reason to incorporate "vocal variety"( said like an ad) J .
What got to me after my last speech was when Kat said, " "you had 10
"ah?s" and I just gave up counting after that" (said sarcastically by
me but not her). I decided to say "ah phooey" to it all and get back at
you with "vocal variety" (said like an ad)J .
I couldn?t believe I said more than 10 "ah?s" when I only remember
saying one. It?s enough to make a psychiatrist paranoid thinking that
you all got together and conspired with the ah counter to humiliate meJ
Well, just trust me, I took care of the ahcounter today so it?ll all
work out. J (wink at ah counter and give the thumbs-up sign).
But you see, if you only got to know me better, you?d be able to
understand why I say "ah" so much. I?ve been doing "ah?s" for a long
time.
When I was a little one, barely walking, I?d go, "ah, ah, ah" (baby
talk). That later evolved to "mama" and "dada".J Do you think I wanted
to say "ah"? Blame it on my parents!
Later on I was taught to say more "ah?s" because, you see, "ah" is
an honorific expression in the Chinese culture. You say "ahpo", for
your paternal grandmother, "ahgoong" for your paternal grandfather. You
haoles got to learn to use "ahsuk". "Ahsuk" means literally "uncle" but
it?s a generic expression like "sir". "Ahsuk, can you bring me more
fried wontons?" "Ah" is also used when calling people?s names. My
Chinese name is Ew Ming. You can call me "ahming". I could call you "ah
(name the members in the audience)". You see I don?t really deserve my
"ah?s" to be counted because it?s a cultural thing; I?m just being
respectful J .
Then when I went to college and got into the Eastern philosophy
trip, I got into "ah?s" with "ahso". This is a Japanese expression from
the full expression "Ah so desu ka". It?s like "I see" or "So it is". I
learned to use "ahso" was from the self-proclaimed guru Baba Ram Dass.
He encouraged people to cultivate a nonjudgmental frame of mind. When
you are confronted with any situation, you just respond inside yourself
with "ahso". This keeps you centered and you can retain your
equanimity. It didn?t matter if you had something good or bad happened
to you; in either case, you still respond with "ahso". If you won, the
lottery, you say "ahso". If your car got smashed, you say "ahso". I got
quite good at it. When somebody ripped me off, I?d say "ahso, you
ahso".J
In spite of these justifications for using "ah?s", I learned some
important lessons from my last speech. "Ah" is a way for me to deal
with my anxiety. It?s relaxing when you are nervously groping for
words. Looking at my "ah?s" helped me look at my anxiety while speaking.
A couple people said I was nervous last time when I didn?t even
notice it. I feel it (or don?t feel) it now. I did feel my shirt being
wet when I sat down last time and so I knew I was perspiring from
anxiety, but I guess I was so involved in the delivery I didn?t notice
my anxiety or my ah?s.
In trying to deal with my anxiety now, I ask myself "What have I
really got to be afraid of anyway? I?m an MD, and I?m supposed to act
like a God J What?s wrong with me? What can you really do to me up
here? I want you to be critical of me anyway, so I can be a better
speaker. I?ve really got to take hold of the moment and change that
adrenaline into excitement about what I?m talking about. I?m really
excited about vocal variety and talking about "ah?s" (whole sentence
said monotonously). Can?t you see? (with expression) J
What inspired me to deal with my anxiety without "ah?s" occurred
when I was watching an E TV biographical special on Phyllis Diller. You
know, Miss Ha-ha-ha-ha. She recalled being so nervous that the acid
from her sweat ate the leather linings of her boots. She also
remembered almost fainting at one particular debut. But she did make it
eventually?.Maybe I will also, someday, in spite of my nervousness and
without any "ah?s".
So much for this awful (ah-full) stuff. I suppose if I want to be a
great Toastmaster I must realize "ah?s" and "ums" are a lost art,
forever to be extinct. I just need to bullshit real good to make you
think that I?m not nervous at all. J
I?m going to miss my "ah?s" and "ums", and I say "ah phooey" to
that, but maybe I?ll be a better speaker for it. .ah, who know?s??..Oh,
I know, I just need to remember "vocal variety" (like ad)J