In Japan, women are the ones to send chocolates to their prospective mates on Valentine’s Day. What a relief this would be for the American male if this trend spread to the US! No more fuss about romance! Unfortunately, like most things, true love is also not a free lunch.
I am always amazed by clients who see me and complain about their partners. One gentleman reports that his girlfriend abuses alcohol and demands that he support her financially. He expects this woman to improve, but so far, she continues to disappoint him.
I don’t recommend anyone to enter a relationship with an expectation for their partner to change. This plants a seed for the destruction of the relationship.
Who are you in love with anyway? Are you loving just the good side of your partner? Or are you loving the whole person in your presence? Just loving the good side is a fictional concept that exists only in your head. Loving the whole person gives you a real, live, breathing human being. If you decide to love someone, you might as well love all of who they are. Why choose a partner if you can’t love him or her totally? Why set yourself up for upset?
Deciding to love your partner, in spite of their imperfections, is where true love begins. M. Scott Peck, in his book, The Road Less Traveled, says genuine love is effortful and volitional. By this he means that love is not something that just happens before you, like a free lunch. Rather love is a conscious decision and a disciplined action. You must commit your regular attention to enjoy the benefits of true love.
Don’t just take your valentine out to lunch. Savor these true love bites:
• Share a secret part of your past that had an impact on you. Sharing yourself helps you become closer to your partner.
• Express emotions you feel about your partner, but may have hidden before. Don’t you want him/her to love you as you really are, and not just as you might want them to envision?
• Look into your partner’s eyes and beam love consciously. Tell him/her to receive it and enjoy it.
• Listen to your partner talk without comment or criticism on your part. Give feedback to your partner to show you understood what was said.
• Be committed to your partner to the degree you have agreed upon. Whether as friends or lovers, do it 100 percent.
• Surprise your partner by doing something he/she always enjoys, but which you usually hate to do.
Loving takes energy and focus, but the rewards return tenfold! Try it and secure your Valentine!