I have been saddened in my practice when people report that have had such bad experiences in their love life that they are no longer interested in any romantic relationship. Of course, when you have been hurt, you want to avoid the possibility of a similar occurrence. This bothers me because the feeling of being connected with another human being is so wonderful and is worth the risk of being hurt when that hurt is properly dealt with.
Let’s says you want this man or woman to be in your life. Somehow you can’t have him or her and you feel the pangs of love. This does not feel good, but life is not just about having good feelings. The hurt you feel is really very precious. First of all, it reminds you that you are alive. You are part of the universal human experience of love; join the club! Share your life with others. This is living and it’s real. Secondly, your pain is your own unique feeling; no one else will ever feel exactly the same way you feel. Embrace this feeling because it is completely you. Use this feeling to discover more of who you are. If you continue to have that unfulfilled longing for another person, search out the source of this feeling in your personality and background. What makes you dependent on having another person in your life in order to be happy? Have you ever been happy based on yourself and not on another? What makes you so focused on someone that you have forgotten how to have fun in other ways?
We must learn to have fun by ourselves before we can truly have fun with others. When we are happy with ourselves, we have much more to give others. The more we hurt in love, the more we have to work through our own personal growth issues. Engage yourself in this work because the hurt indicates that it is sorely needed.
Often when you are interested in someone, but they are not interested in you, it is because you are fixed on certain qualities that they have and you consider this the primary basis of your attraction. Consider instead an even more important criteria for attraction to another person — that they are attracted to you.
Enjoy the loving you have for others. It can feel good in itself without any love in return. You are then loving unconditionally, and this is really the greatest kind of love there is.