When you are looking for a friend or a mate, the question of compatibility always is an important consideration. How well do you fit with someone? I have known people to rely on astrology to determine compatibility. For example, you might find someone with a similar or compatible horoscope. This simple approach puts the focus on similarities. However, differences can be of value as well.
The exotic can be attractive and this is where differences work. A couple benefits from differences when they complement each other. When someone is good at something that the other person is lacking, they support each other. A friend of mine has a great business partnership in which she comes up with the ideas for projects and her partner makes them concrete and puts them into action.
How similar does your mate have to be? Of all the qualities in another person, which do you need to have? The ideal mate certainly lies somewhere between someone with whom you have everything in common and someone with whom you have nothing in common. If you are too similar to someone, the relationship could be boring. If you are too different, life could be quite a struggle.
Another measure of compatibility is to ask yourself, “Am I having fun?” Some people just make you laugh a lot. You can be yourself more. You don’t have to be on your guard. You feel safe and open. These good feelings signal a functional relationship.
Striving for synergy also helps demonstrate a great fit. Discover what you and your partner can create together that neither of you can do alone. Look for a magic that goes beyond the expectations of just two people coming together. The more you experience greater dimensions of yourself when you are with someone, the more likely they are good for you.
While you are looking for unimagined harmony, don’t lose sight of some basics. Getting along involves the ability to resolve conflict, to seek compromise, and to reach agreements. Also consider the two basic human drives for food and sex. If your partner’s appetites are drastically different from you, be alerted to the difference.
Sometimes people go overboard when looking for compatibility. What disturbed me was a couple I met who seemed to get along quite well, but they decided to split up because they belonged to different religions. These two people had not had many past experiences with relationship. Nevertheless, they both had a good time together and both blossomed due to their relationship. You could judge your fit with someone by any criteria you choose, whether you like the neatness of their bedroom or whether they live within a ten minute drive, but we have enough barriers to relationship without putting in more.
Even people who already have partners sometimes live with dissatisfaction. Compatibility isn’t their concern; instead they wonder what they’re doing with their life. Rather than suffer in their misery, their challenge is understanding why they stay with someone who doesn’t seem to fit. They need to work through something within themselves before they can have the relationship they truly desire.
If you want to be compatible with anyone, the best way is to be a nice person. Then anyone will like you better and be more willing to have a relationship. What really attracts others is for you to be yourself. It feels great to be around someone who is solidly being themself.
In the end, finding your fit is fun, but the joy sometimes comes from mystery and watching life unfold in ways you would never expect. Think of the way some couples end up spending whole lives together when their first impressions were totally against that remote possibility.
While looking for your true love, keep the love flowing. Spend time with people whether they may be your mate or not. Enjoy them for what they are. Keep in mind the echoing words of the Rolling Stone, “If you can’t be with the one you want, be with the one you’re with.”