One of my clients has not shown up for an appointment for the last three weeks. Whenever I call, all I get is his answering machine. I think he won’t see me because he doesn’t feel good enough about himself. He has probably started drinking again because the plans he made for employment were shattered.
All of us at some time will question our abilities and capabilities especially if we have lived in families where our parents have put us down or made us feel inferior. I propose that good self-esteem is naturally there for us if we choose to have it.
The word “esteem” comes from the Latin “aestimare” which means “to fix the value of, or to calculate it”. Self-esteem then signifies that value which we fix or calculate for ourselves. One way a lot of us use to judge ourselves is by the amount of money we make a year, whether we own a house or not, or the kind of car we drive. This calculation is based on external criteria.
Another method of assigning value comes from marveling at the amazing creation that we are. Consider the millions of sperm that died so that one sperm could be connected with the egg that was to become you. Consider that we live in one solar system in the middle of thousands of others in this vast universe. We have been given the gift of life and this is incredible when you consider the other possible dimensions that we could be existing in. This method of self-esteem is based on gratitude and awe.
Another way of calculating your self-esteem is by noticing what has gone on in your life, understanding why you are the way you are, and being compassionate about it all. We all come into this life with an inherent endowment. Our life then takes a particular course based on circumstances outside our control and also based on choices we make. We cannot fault ourselves on our inheritance or on our fateful situations, but we could readily criticize our choices. Yes, however, the misconception is that if we could have used better judgment. If indeed that were so, wouldn’t we have used it?
We can only prove we can do something if we actually do it. Thinking we can or thinking we should does not guarantee we are able to. Yet we fault ourselves for making a mistake or for using poor judgment when clearly we did not have the wherewithal to do it right at the time? Well, some of us keep making the same mistake and think they should know better. Remember we already said that knowing what you should be doing is not enough to have you be able to do that very thing.
The conclusion of all of this is the route of compassion. You really can not fault yourself no matter what you have done poorly in life. This is not to say that you cannot strive for improvement or that you should not be responsible for your mistake. What we are looking at is your self-esteem and fixing a value that will lead you to Natural Success. You won’t succeed as easily if you hold yourself in low self-esteem. No matter what you are or have done, you can still choose to calculate your value in a way that will help you be at peace and be loving towards yourself. In the end, you are simply fixing your value. Why not fix it so that you are great and you can have even greater heights in your life?